Preparing for a Relaxing Christmas

Well I've had a little break from the blog at the moment. Life has been so busy, and I hadn't seen Katie for three weeks to be able to update with progress.
I have also been feeling down at the moment. I think with winter setting in, and not really seeing any daylight, it really does drag you down.
When I saw Katie on Friday, I told her how I've been feeling, and she just said to enjoy myself, and enjoy Christmas, and I'll see her in the new year.
I feel so much better knowing that I have the nod so to speak, and whilst I won't be going mad, I will be able to relax a bit.
What really did hit home to me though was a new thought process with food. 'Do I really need it?' and 'Is it worth it?' are new phrases I will use with food. Now I can visibly see the improvement in my body it is even more relevant.
I have also reached one of my goals I started out with, to feel more comfortable with the aeroplane seatbelt.
I will be going on my trip to Berlin next Friday, and don't need to worry about that anymore.
My visits to Katie will be changing too. I will be coming in every other week now, and will have my measurements taken as well, so if I haven't lost weight, I can still see I might have lost inches.
For now though, I will be looking forward to the Christmas party, and being with friends and family at one of my favourite times of year.
Maybe the odd bit of stollen too... :p

Hitting the Wall

I went in for my weigh in today, and have lost a pound. I'm not sure how I feel about it though.

I think I have hit the wall. I think it has something to do with feeling like I am being pushed.

I don't want a target for how much to lose before Christmas, I just want to be told when I have reached my next milestone 1/2 stone and stone.

To be honest, I wasn't going to beat myself up if I had gained weight over Christmas, because hey, don't we all!

I want to be healthier, yes, but equally I don't feel that I am allowed a break once in a while. I am starting to have a better understanding of what is good and bad for me, and I feel like I have found a nice method that I am gradually losing weight with. I do need a break though. I want to be able to treat myself, and not have to watch everyone else eat all the food I love and me abstain.

I think I also have been putting myself down over the fact that everyone else seems to be losing weight much quicker than me.

Please don't think that I don't wish my friends well, I am very proud of them and their successes, but I want to see their change too.

To a certain extent I can see it, and the changes are slowly happening, but just not as quick as others. This could be down to the fact I have PCOD, but it is still frustrating.
I decided after my weigh in to go out shopping for my foods for lunch, as the boredom makes the naughtier things creep in.
Hopefully this change in my routine will help build up my mood again and carry on.

Looking on the plus size

Well it has been a pretty busy weekend!

On the Friday, I went to Katie to have my weigh in, and have lost 4 pounds over two weeks, which I am very proud of.

My latest goal is to lose 4 pounds before Christmas. I deliberately set it lower so I wouldn't feel downhearted if I stayed the same one week. Coupled with feeling better about the aeroplane seatbelt, I will have a brilliant trip to Berlin.

My favourite part of this weekend has to be my audition for Ms Curvaceous.

I was so nervous in the morning, and there were so many moments where I was changing my mind whether I was going or not.

I am very lucky that my boyfriend was very supportive, that he was able to guide me in the right direction without pushing me.

Strangely, once I knew I was definitely going, it was like the air lifted, and was focused and determined to get this right.

I went to it to gain the confidence, and be around other women who are considered plus size.

I realised that actually I had so much more confidence than I thought, and was strutting my stuff down that runway! I now really hope that I do end up becoming a finalist, because I feel that we really do need a more diverse selection of models.

I would love to be able to represent my apple shape to the fullest, but I will have to wait until December to find out.

With some of the brilliant girls I met- Selfie!

One of the best parts about the day was the people I met. The people who coached us were fantastic and gave brilliant advice to all of us there. The girls who were auditioning with me were also fantastic, and understood all too well the problems with the fashion and plus size industry.

We want to see every body be represented. From skinny to supersize, to pears, apples, lollipops, hourglasses, the petite and the tall. Everyone.

I have realised that it is up to us to change it. We need a wider variety of models, we need to stop this body shaming, and not accept the media's portrayal of a 'perfect body'.

I have now learnt that every time I look at myself, I should be proud. This body is alive, can do an hours Zumba class, can walk for miles, can duck low branches easily, and most of all, can be beautiful.

We are beautiful. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

Appreciating the support

I have been doing my lifestyle change for a little while now, and have been feeling mixed emotions.

Partly I am very happy, because going to Katie every week to see my weight falling shows I am moving in the right direction. I am also losing weight quicker than I did before, which is a very pleasant change.

The other problem I have though is related to my previous attempt to get healthy.

I was going to the gym at least three times a week (because I wasn't working at the time), and trying to be healthier in my food choices. People really noticed the change in me, and would regularly comment on me losing weight and looking smaller. It really helped to carry on motivating me.

I found that I had fallen out of love with the gym, and fell in love with Zumba, and started to prefer classes. I have now found a Zumba instructor that really motivates me, and who doesn't judge me.

Now though, I have to try and fit my classes around my work life.

This is much more difficult, but I have found that I have got into a routine with my Tuesday evening class, but fitting in the other two I find more of a problem. Will definitely make a concerted effort to get at least two workouts a week, and build it up from there.

I am very lucky to have my supporters. Those who understand the food issues and give me tips, those who have gone through weight loss already, and the online community- Georgina Horne and her followers of FullerFigureFullerBust, helping me with bra fit advice whilst losing weight, and following Georgina's weight loss journey and lifestyle change.

From Pink Clove, worn with Maidenform top 

It has been great this week because I have had the first person notice my weight loss! It made me so happy that the work I have been putting in can actually be seen, through my body changes.

It made me feel so confident that I went out in my jumpsuit for Saturday, for my work colleagues' leaving do's.

In the past, I would not have worn this outfit. I would have been too scared of my apple shaped body to have left the house.

Yesterday evening though, I felt fantastic. I think it showed, because I felt so much happier in myself, and could stand tall(er) feeling proud of my body. 

I am getting there, both with the weight loss and the confidence.

What a Gaga Weekend!

Well this weekend has been amazing for me, as I have been to my very first live popular music concert, and watched Lady Gaga at the O2 arena in London!

With a nice dose of pointless :P

I have always liked Lady Gaga, so this has been a long time coming, after I couldn't get tickets for her last tour.
I was able to go with my best friend from uni who I haven't seen in a while, so it was brilliant to catch up with her and just have lots of fun :D
We obviously had to dress up, especially after seeing some of the brilliant outfits we saw people wearing for her tour so far. We weren't alone in dressing up, but equally we were in the minority, which was a shame, but hey ho.
What really did strike a chords though was how I didn't feel so nervous or self-conscious about this. I think it did help that I had my friend there with me, but I think partly I am just happier in myself.
I don't feel half as unwell as I used to, I am losing weight, and for the most part am starting to build my confidence.
The bit that I remember before the concert was when we were queuing up to get in. There were girls who dressed up as Where's Wally, (which was brilliant by the way) but otherwise it was just us.
I was starting to get a little self-conscious and nervous, when I noticed a family queuing with their children. The dad was staring at my outfit, I noticed him and smiled, and he gave me a friendly thumbs up. That was the moment I really felt at ease, because I think partly we all like to be accepted, and I realised no-one else really cared apart from me. These people didn't judge me, either on my outfit or my weight, and that was refreshing as well.
Maybe it is the fans of Lady Gaga. She really does have such a wide fan base, and she promotes acceptance in everything that she does, which I think feeds into her fans.
She was absolutely amazing, and did songs from all her albums, it was just such a brilliant show.
Here's hoping that acceptance becomes a part of everyone's lives, not just the few.

Slowing Down a Bit

Firstly, I would like to apologise for not blogging this earlier. I have been rather ill since Monday, still not quite 100%, but a lot better than what I was :)

I had my weigh in with Katie, and have lost another pound, which I am very happy about. It may seem only small, but they say that actually you are more likely to keep the weight off when it is slow and steady weight loss.

I am so near that stone loss now, I could smell it, and after I feel better, I will get back on the horse. 

Not that I am doing awful, but I find my resistance against ice cream and chocolate is not so good.

Proving I can still pose whilst ill.

I have been advised to stay off the bread still, and start having more pasta in my diet. I think this is to try to rule out things like wheat and gluten from being problem areas. I have had pasta for both lunch and dinner, as I didn't have time for breakfast, after my cold routine this morning. I have always believed in natural remedies to be the main cure for problems, so I have been steaming with Olbas oil, and drinking and hot honey and lemon water. 

Health wise though, I definitely think that stress is a big factor to me being ill at the moment. I have let a lot of little things really bother me at the moment, and I think it has built up to me getting myself ill. At least I am slowing down a bit more, and listening to my body. Will be back at Zumba next week, I promise!

By Jove, I think we've got it!

Well I have been without bread for a week, and on the most part feel so much better for it!
It has definitely cheered me up no end, knowing that I have found the main source of the problem.
Friday I might have accidentally had breadcrumbs without realising. I had falafel, and whilst it didn't say anything about breadcrumbs, I wonder whether it was in there, because after I felt very ill. It probably didn't help I did a Fab Ab class the day before, so mixed with muscle ache and bad tummy I was not a happy bunny to say the least. To know long term that it looks like bread means I can move forward, turn a page, and get back to the weight loss thing.
I have definitely found lunchtime the hardest when it comes to no bread. I have pretty much been living on soup and sushi and the odd salad, which I love, but if people have any other suggestions that would really help!
This past week I have been feeling a bit strange, as my partner's family, as well as mine eat bread a lot! This morning though, I was talking to a friend of mine, and she says she is exactly the same! I am not alone! Her issue is with the preservatives that they put inside the bread here in the UK.
Depending on what Katie thinks of the results, I might see how much effort it is to start making my own bread. Not all the time, but maybe occasionally as a treat.
We will see on Tuesday. x

A Step in the Right Direction

Well, I had my weigh in today. Was quite nervous, because of the gain last week.
The weight I gained last week is back off! A good step in the right direction :)
I also showed Katie my food diary, and from the looks of things, it could be bread being my main foe tummy wise. This week I am not going to eat bread, and then if I feel better, introduce it slowly, and see if it has any effects.
Fingers crossed it is bread, and I can adjust my foods and go from there. Hopefully it is that simple.
One thing we did touch on today was that stress does have an effect on weight loss.
If I get stressed, I find it has a negative effect on my eating, especially what I eat.
I do wonder though whether stress does have a negative effect on your health as well. I always thought that when people said these things that it was a load of baloney. Thinking about it now though has me thinking: what if they were right?
When I think about it, when you are stressed, we know that it increases things like your blood pressure. Why wouldn't it affect the rest of your body?
This week I am going to try and take it easy, and see whether that also has an effect on my tummy. It might not, but it'll at least help my blood pressure!
It should still have a positive effect on my attitude and my mood. I think sometimes I need to learn to not let things get to me. Those things I can't change shouldn't get me so down or stressed. You can only control your actions, so just make sure that those are good ones.

What you put up with

It is funny what you put up with for so long.

As you well know, I have been dealing with these tummy problems for ages, and am doing my food diary and a tummy diary, to try and find a pattern.

Looking through the diary, ready for Monday, has made me realise what I have put up with for so long!

Virtually every morning this week I have woken up feeling ill. Two out of the four days, I have felt unwell during the day. Only today, I have woken up feeling fine, and have had no negative tummy problems so far.

I think partly you only realise that you are unwell when you see the evidence with your own eyes, and how it affects you as a person. I think also hindsight is a wonderful thing. The times when I thought I was fine when I wasn't show up more, because you truly feel better physically and within yourself.

Not all bad eh :P

One of the times that really sticks with me was when I went to Corfu this year on holiday.

For the first day or two I felt ok, but as the week carried on, I was feeling really ill with my tummy, and as a knock-on effect was becoming quite irritable. Thankfully, my partner understood and helped me through.

Looking back, I was very unwell, but carried on; I was just determined to have a good time on holiday.

I think sometimes we forget the problems aren't just to do with health. The knock on effects can affect your loved ones as well.

I want to be able to be better for myself obviously, but also for my partner. He has been that support for quite a while, and when it is sorted it will never be forgotten.

So here's to all those who look after their loved ones, because truly, you are amazing! x

The Lemon Drizzle Cake Theory

Well, today has been one of those days.
One of the ladies brought in a wonderful lemon drizzle cake, and after I resisted the ginger biscuits yesterday, could not quite resist a slice, especially when everyone else was enjoying it. (Thank you Kirsty, it tasted yummy :) )
I think temptation is one of those things- what is one person's temptation, isn't another person's. I think also resisting is a technique you get better at with time. If you are used to saying 'yes' to all that food then it is harder to resist, but the more you get used to saying no, the easier it becomes. Now I am not saying that I say no to everything, as the drizzle cake shows, but I am learning to be a bit more picky in the treats I have. It is a long process, and in time, I might even say no to cake more often, but my thought is that denying yourself of everything just makes you want it more. Having that little amount of something you really enjoy isn't a bad thing.
Obviously though, my stomach thought something was a bad thing today! I have been trying to swap my lunch and dinner sizes around to try and help my metabolism and my digestion. As I had an hour lunch, I thought I'd go out and have a main meal- within 20 minutes of finishing, I felt absolutely appalling, and after my evening tea as well. The problems don't bother me so much though, because I know when Katie sees my food diary, it should be another piece of the puzzle.

Feeling proud in my shirt:)

After all these problems with my stomach, I wanted to see the positives of everything going on with my body. I had this work shirt which I liked, but didn't wear often because it was tight around my boobs and waist. I tried it on this evening, and had no trouble at all! It makes me feel so proud of the work I have been putting in to change my lifestyle and feel healthier, inside and out.
So tomorrow, I will be wearing my shirt with pride, knowing that I can do it :)

Finding the Positives

I went to go see Katie yesterday for my weekly weigh in and looking at the food diary. Had a weigh in, and gained two pounds. This is the first week I have gained weight, but then it didn't come as a shock. I haven't eaten so well and started exercising again, so the combination of both could have contributed. I know though that I can get it back off, so I'm not so upset about it as I would have been a while ago.
The main focus of my session this time was stomach problems I have been facing. I have been feeling unwell for a while now, and my doctor kept fobbing me off, saying that it is my weight. I felt so alone, because no-one seemed to want to help me with my problems. Now I have someone there, supporting me each step of the way. I feel it is such a weight off my mind now, and has pushed me to be able to keep motivated.
I am carrying on with my food diaries, but now have to add in when I don't feel well, and the exact symptoms I have been having. That way I will find the source of the problems, and as a result, should lose weight easier.
Why my doctor couldn't have done this earlier, I'm not sure. Hey ho. I have to now forget the problems my doctor has caused/change doctors, and I think that will be another chapter shut.
Anyhoo, I am off to Zumba, so have a lovely evening, I definitely will! :D

Catching up and being a loser again

It really has been too long since I have blogged, so will fill you in!

-I now have my degree in music (II:i), which I am very proud of, and have made some brilliant music friends/contacts in the process.

-I have a full driving licence, making life sooo much easier!

-Went on holiday with my Dad and brother to Turkey (

-And of course, that Ice Bucket Challenge!

My biggest change though, has been quite recent. I have been seeing two ladies at my doctors regarding my weight. This was after I had a bad run in with my doctor, who decides that every problem I have is because I am fat, and my boyfriend (who she has never met) is a feeder who "likes to keep his chubby girlfriend chubby".

Not very nice.

The girls who have been helping me, Chloe, and now Katie, have been the complete opposite- supportive, caring and give me good tips foodwise. They have made me keep a food diary, which I recommend to everyone, because you don't truly realise what you eat until you write it down!

After about 2 months(ish) I have lost 10 lbs, and feel so proud of myself!

I am quite nervous about my weigh in tomorrow though- went out to eat with the work girls last Friday, went away for the weekend, and had a takeaway this Friday, so not my healthiest, hopefully going back to Zumba after the summer break, with a fair amount of walking helped to combat that. Either way, I am starting to feel better with myself, and happier, and lucky to have my loved ones there supporting me every step of the way.

My next goal is to feel better about the seatbelt on a plane. It seems a bit of a strange goal to have, but I feel I really need to believe in myself more, and believe what the scales are telling me. 

I had such a panic when I went away on holiday last time about the seatbelt fitting, I couldn't really properly get excited about the flight and the trip for worrying about the seatbelt. 

My next trip away is to Berlin in December for the Christmas markets, and don't want to feel like that again. I'm enough of a worrywort as it is!

Also, I don't want to ruin my friends' trip with me harping on about the seatbelt of all things.

Hopefully we'll be too excited by the markets, and the Christmas atmosphere :D

Who wouldn't be excited to drink mulled wine/hot chocolate and go shopping???

So here goes..!