Hitting the Wall

I went in for my weigh in today, and have lost a pound. I'm not sure how I feel about it though.

I think I have hit the wall. I think it has something to do with feeling like I am being pushed.

I don't want a target for how much to lose before Christmas, I just want to be told when I have reached my next milestone 1/2 stone and stone.

To be honest, I wasn't going to beat myself up if I had gained weight over Christmas, because hey, don't we all!

I want to be healthier, yes, but equally I don't feel that I am allowed a break once in a while. I am starting to have a better understanding of what is good and bad for me, and I feel like I have found a nice method that I am gradually losing weight with. I do need a break though. I want to be able to treat myself, and not have to watch everyone else eat all the food I love and me abstain.

I think I also have been putting myself down over the fact that everyone else seems to be losing weight much quicker than me.

Please don't think that I don't wish my friends well, I am very proud of them and their successes, but I want to see their change too.

To a certain extent I can see it, and the changes are slowly happening, but just not as quick as others. This could be down to the fact I have PCOD, but it is still frustrating.
I decided after my weigh in to go out shopping for my foods for lunch, as the boredom makes the naughtier things creep in.
Hopefully this change in my routine will help build up my mood again and carry on.

Looking on the plus size

Well it has been a pretty busy weekend!

On the Friday, I went to Katie to have my weigh in, and have lost 4 pounds over two weeks, which I am very proud of.

My latest goal is to lose 4 pounds before Christmas. I deliberately set it lower so I wouldn't feel downhearted if I stayed the same one week. Coupled with feeling better about the aeroplane seatbelt, I will have a brilliant trip to Berlin.

My favourite part of this weekend has to be my audition for Ms Curvaceous.

I was so nervous in the morning, and there were so many moments where I was changing my mind whether I was going or not.

I am very lucky that my boyfriend was very supportive, that he was able to guide me in the right direction without pushing me.

Strangely, once I knew I was definitely going, it was like the air lifted, and was focused and determined to get this right.

I went to it to gain the confidence, and be around other women who are considered plus size.

I realised that actually I had so much more confidence than I thought, and was strutting my stuff down that runway! I now really hope that I do end up becoming a finalist, because I feel that we really do need a more diverse selection of models.

I would love to be able to represent my apple shape to the fullest, but I will have to wait until December to find out.

With some of the brilliant girls I met- Selfie!

One of the best parts about the day was the people I met. The people who coached us were fantastic and gave brilliant advice to all of us there. The girls who were auditioning with me were also fantastic, and understood all too well the problems with the fashion and plus size industry.

We want to see every body be represented. From skinny to supersize, to pears, apples, lollipops, hourglasses, the petite and the tall. Everyone.

I have realised that it is up to us to change it. We need a wider variety of models, we need to stop this body shaming, and not accept the media's portrayal of a 'perfect body'.

I have now learnt that every time I look at myself, I should be proud. This body is alive, can do an hours Zumba class, can walk for miles, can duck low branches easily, and most of all, can be beautiful.

We are beautiful. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

Appreciating the support

I have been doing my lifestyle change for a little while now, and have been feeling mixed emotions.

Partly I am very happy, because going to Katie every week to see my weight falling shows I am moving in the right direction. I am also losing weight quicker than I did before, which is a very pleasant change.

The other problem I have though is related to my previous attempt to get healthy.

I was going to the gym at least three times a week (because I wasn't working at the time), and trying to be healthier in my food choices. People really noticed the change in me, and would regularly comment on me losing weight and looking smaller. It really helped to carry on motivating me.

I found that I had fallen out of love with the gym, and fell in love with Zumba, and started to prefer classes. I have now found a Zumba instructor that really motivates me, and who doesn't judge me.

Now though, I have to try and fit my classes around my work life.

This is much more difficult, but I have found that I have got into a routine with my Tuesday evening class, but fitting in the other two I find more of a problem. Will definitely make a concerted effort to get at least two workouts a week, and build it up from there.

I am very lucky to have my supporters. Those who understand the food issues and give me tips, those who have gone through weight loss already, and the online community- Georgina Horne and her followers of FullerFigureFullerBust, helping me with bra fit advice whilst losing weight, and following Georgina's weight loss journey and lifestyle change.

From Pink Clove, worn with Maidenform top 

It has been great this week because I have had the first person notice my weight loss! It made me so happy that the work I have been putting in can actually be seen, through my body changes.

It made me feel so confident that I went out in my jumpsuit for Saturday, for my work colleagues' leaving do's.

In the past, I would not have worn this outfit. I would have been too scared of my apple shaped body to have left the house.

Yesterday evening though, I felt fantastic. I think it showed, because I felt so much happier in myself, and could stand tall(er) feeling proud of my body. 

I am getting there, both with the weight loss and the confidence.