The other side of weight loss

Loved my Bravissimo haul once again! 

I always love going to Bravissimo Brighton, because they make me feel comfortable in my own skin. With helpful and understanding staff, who are like your friends, giving their trusted opinion. I went there yesterday, as my bras have felt uncomfortable and not right. When I last went in I was a 36K. I thought I might have gone down a cup size, but got measured and I am now 36HH! A complete shock to me, as I wasn't expecting that much of a change. I was looking at myself in the mirror, and my boobs do look smaller in these bras as well. 

One the one hand, this has opened up so many fashion choices, as now I can fit into more bras, including the pinnacle which is the strapless bra. On the other hand it has been playing on my mind, because I am known purely for my boobs, and was proud to be big. Whilst this is still a larger cup size, I haven't been this small in years.  I have been feeling as if I am losing my femininity, which in turn makes me feel like I am losing my identity.

I suppose I have been living in blissful ignorance of the fact my cup size would lower. 

Whilst I am being told I am losing the pounds and the inches, I can't see the difference in my body so much, I suppose because I see myself every day.

It made me truly question whether I want to carry on. I rung Katie, and she said its my body and my decision to make. My body shape will stay the same, but on a smaller scale.

I think it goes to show that I didn't altogether hate my body when I started this journey. You always expect someone who is trying to lose weight to hate their bigger bodies, that there was nothing good about them.

I think there is another misconception, that suddenly you will be more confident and feel better in your body after losing weight. That suddenly a switch will flip and everything will change. It doesn't. It's a slow process that takes a lot of time. I have been starting to feel more confident in my body. I am much fitter, and I feel so much stronger. I just need to give myself more time to love the outside of my body.

If anyone has any tips to help with this, please let me know! x

Fashion Surprises!

Maybe it is just me, but I am someone who is a fiend for a bargain. Whilst I have some outfits that costed a fair bit of money, most of my clothes are from the sales. 

I just don't see why I should spend so much money on outfits, especially at this point where I am losing weight, and clothes might not fit me at some point soon. 

I didn't go out today to buy clothes at all, if anything I am having a clear out, but I couldn't let these go amiss. Black jeggings are my staple as an apple shape. As fellow apple shapers know, jeans will swamp your legs, whilst jeggings will show off what you have.

I came across this pair from none other than Lidl! Yes, Lidl! and at £4.99 I could not resist.

They are slightly tight at the top, but that will just be a little incentive for me to carry on with my weight loss journey.

So it just goes to show, you don't always need to go to the expensive shops to be able to buy nice clothes. 

Trying new brands + becoming an ebayer!

After watching Plus Sized Wars, I seemed to be going nuts for clothes, starting my own instagram (fluffy_rach) and decided to try yours clothing and see what is there.
Being a sale fiend, I decided to try a couple of belts and some patterned harem trousers. I found the sale stuff very reasonable. In comparison to what you can spend on plus size clothing, most things were a reasonable price.
The order came through pretty quickly, in time for a night out with my work friends.
My only worry was that all my weight is around my tummy. I wore a waist nipper just to flatten the area, so the material skimmed over.
I got no complaints of me looking awful, so I assumed I looked fine ;)
I felt so confident, and would definitely recommend a pair.
Having free returns now is also helpful. As for the belts, I would need to go up a size.
I used to get quite upset if things didn't fit me in my 'usual' size, but really sizes don't mean anything. As long as you are happy with what you see in the mirror, that is all that matters.

I have a couple more purchases in the pipeline, including a fabulous dress I bought off ebay, but I musn't show that one off yet! Definitely inspired by Georgina Horne of Fullerfigurefullerbust. That is all I will say.
After starting a major fashion clear out, I have decided to start ebaying some of my stuff. I certainly work in the right place, so am having fun watching my items get bid on!
Just so happy that these pieces will go to a home that will truly enjoy them.
Hopefully I won't buy too much with the money I get :p x

The Lemon Drizzle Cake Theory

Well, today has been one of those days.
One of the ladies brought in a wonderful lemon drizzle cake, and after I resisted the ginger biscuits yesterday, could not quite resist a slice, especially when everyone else was enjoying it. (Thank you Kirsty, it tasted yummy :) )
I think temptation is one of those things- what is one person's temptation, isn't another person's. I think also resisting is a technique you get better at with time. If you are used to saying 'yes' to all that food then it is harder to resist, but the more you get used to saying no, the easier it becomes. Now I am not saying that I say no to everything, as the drizzle cake shows, but I am learning to be a bit more picky in the treats I have. It is a long process, and in time, I might even say no to cake more often, but my thought is that denying yourself of everything just makes you want it more. Having that little amount of something you really enjoy isn't a bad thing.
Obviously though, my stomach thought something was a bad thing today! I have been trying to swap my lunch and dinner sizes around to try and help my metabolism and my digestion. As I had an hour lunch, I thought I'd go out and have a main meal- within 20 minutes of finishing, I felt absolutely appalling, and after my evening tea as well. The problems don't bother me so much though, because I know when Katie sees my food diary, it should be another piece of the puzzle.

Feeling proud in my shirt:)

After all these problems with my stomach, I wanted to see the positives of everything going on with my body. I had this work shirt which I liked, but didn't wear often because it was tight around my boobs and waist. I tried it on this evening, and had no trouble at all! It makes me feel so proud of the work I have been putting in to change my lifestyle and feel healthier, inside and out.
So tomorrow, I will be wearing my shirt with pride, knowing that I can do it :)

My poor aching body!!!

I have definitely given my body a good workout these past days! Yesterday, I started pilates, and worked out straight after. This morning, I had a weigh in- I have officially lost a stone! :D I then worked out for half an hour, and then did a Zumba class straight after. Worn out is an understatement. I really enjoyed adding in the classes though. Pilates won't be to do with losing weight, this will be to do with my posture, my core muscles, and my strength. Zumba will be burning those calories, help get some stamina for the Race for Life, and having a good dance in the process! Hopefully adding in these classes should help to lose the weight a bit quicker.

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy that I am losing weight, but I feel that I can push myself to lose the weight quicker. By my next weigh in, hopefully more weight will of come off. I put my latest chart on the fridge, to remind me of all the good progress I have made :)

I'm thinking of buying these shorts (as a well done present to myself) that have gone on sale from ASOS, but due to lent will have to wait if I want to buy them. Damn you tempting sale! I do love ASOS though. Yes, I would prefer they didn't have a separate section for plus size women, but the clothes that they sell are not all potato sacks, and are working with the latest trends. It is so hard to be plus size and fashionable, but ASOS is a godsend. Fingers crossed they will still be there when I can buy them (or if someone else wants to get them for me, I won't complain or anything ;) ).

Tomorrow I will be going to France for the day. The crib cruise (that should more aptly be named 'the booze cruise with a bit of cards') is something I've done ever since I was little, and have only missed two in the whole time it has been running. It isn't to go over to France and sightsee- there just isn't enough time to do that- but I have so many stories and funny memories of previous years. I am mainly just looking forward to getting out of the country for a bit, and to use my passport. Hopefully my French will suffice for when we are over there. One year before I got a comment from one of the men (who was very drunk) about how I've gained weight. I took it very personally. Hopefully this year no comment will be made about my weight, but if so, I will tell them how I've been doing, and tell them they should try the workout I did over the past two days! I won't wilt, hopefully I will stand tall and defend myself with dignity.

So as they say over there, au revior! x

Plus size problems!

For the orchestral concert on the 28th of October, we were told to wear long black dresses, without showing any knee. At first, being a girl, I was quite excited at the prospect of potentially getting another dress to add to the collection.
Today though, I have had the age old problem of sizeism in shops. It is so difficult to find a maxi dress at this time of the year, let alone all black and plus size!
It seems that people don't understand that being fat is equally as much of a psychological problem as being anorexic or bulimic. Shops still stock size 4-6, but not plus size. (Not saying that all people who are sizes 4-6 have a problem) You should be treated exactly the same as someone with anorexia or bulimia. It is first and foremost a psychological problem that is using food as a trigger. It is not a sign of being a lazy slob, and the NHS patronising people with: "food has these things called calories in them" does not help the situation.
How is making shopping difficult, making it a demoralizing experience helping them? How is that giving them more self worth?
I have lost nearly half a stone so far, but I wonder what the point is. I am still landed with the fact I can't wear the pretty clothes other girls wear. Something needs to change, and I hope and pray it will come soon. x

(Btw please let me know what you think of this dress, would appreciate the comments)