The ups and downs of motivation

So I have had an amazing week back on plan slimming world style. Kept within my syns every day, tried out new recipes, and really have got my mojo back, enjoying being on plan again. 

Slimming world coronation chicken

Got on the scales at group, thinking yes! Bang this one of the of park. Nope. Maintained. 

WHAT THE BLEEDING FUCK.

I literally got off the scales wanting to hit someone/something. After all this time not quite being on plan it's actually more disheartening when you have been on plan and didn't get the loss you wanted. But carry on I shall. I could have quite easily eaten my weight in cookie dough, but I had already decided to have tuna pasta when I got home. So glad I did.
I think this week I am going to go back to all those favourite foods that I always really enjoyed eating, and keep that motivation, which is much easier with the great friends you make in the process. For example this morning I went out with one of the girls, and just enjoyed having a good old chin wag whilst enjoying a morning walk. Body magic without even feeling like that was what we were doing. Hopefully this week I will get a good loss. My only 'problem day' is Saturday night, where I am going out for dinner and then going out clubbing afterwards. The plan is to eat really healthily and well with a big breakfast to start with, so that I can use all my syns on the food and drink of an evening. The other danger area is the day after hangover food, so I think if I plan my food for Sunday, I'm less likely to stray off plan.

Weetabix with sliced banana and a choc shot

Dirty chip shop curry. Filth.

The other really lovely thing about this week is being able to keep my resolution of self love going in the right direction. The plans have slightly changed- in March I am going to Bucharest with one of my friends who used to live and work out there. Will be amazing to have someone in the know to go with to get a true insight into the city. Still haven't booked the holiday with my best friend in May, but we are just going to be looking for deals when they come up. October is getting booked soon, and if all goes to plan, will be going to Peru. Looking forward to going to a place that is really different and unique. I don't like going to typical holiday destinations, so this will be perfect.
Also this week, I had my lush spa treatment at Bath Spa. I find when I am struggling with myself, having that time to have a proper relax and pamper always helps me get my confidence and mood back to where it needs to be. I was going to have the comforter treatment, as I haven't experienced it yet, but I could only get availability for Synaesthesia. Definitely the right decision in the end. I have had two of these treatments before, and have always enjoyed that little protective bubble that you come out of your treatment with. This one however, I don't know whether it was because I was at a different spa, or what it was, but I really felt I got transported back to the magic of that first synaesthesia treatment. The massage bar word I chose was perspective, and the alice in wonderland bottle I chose was forgiveness. They give you a bubble bar and a massage bar of the same fragrance (perspective) to help transport your mind back to that calm state. I have definitely been using the massage bar as a moisturiser every day since the treatment, which has really helped me to lift and keep my mood where it needs to be. It has also been a really nice way to calm my mind when I have started to get anxious or stressed. As I am prone to overthinking, this has been really helping me to think of things in a much more productive way, rather than it spiraling out of control.
Hopefully this will make new grooves and will see the results long term.
This journey of slimming and self love is long, but in the end it is worth it :)

Getting my Mojo Back

So as you well know, I have been losing weight with slimming world since the end of May with brilliant results that I am very proud of (check out My Instagram to see more of that). I have been yoyo-ing since the beginning of the year for different reasons, but with the help of a friend and my awesome consultant Sharon I have started to get my mojo back.

Today my friend and I went to Chichester to help her find some clothes, as she has also lost a lot of weight and wants to be able to show it off. It was amazing the amount of shops that have been opened up to us now that we have lost the weight, which has been one of my personal goals. It made me enjoy shopping again and feel much more girly. There was one nemesis shop though that always annoyed the hell out of me when I was much bigger. Topshop. The shop where unless you are a small size 16 you had no hope of getting through the door, let alone try any of that shiz on. I think it bothered me especially when I was a teenager at college, with all these magazines having topshop stuff that I couldn't wear, and see all these other girls always want to go in there, because it was 'the shop' to go in.

Well I walked back in there today just to see what I had been missing for all these years. Apparently nothing. I have been missing out on nothing. None of it is my style, nothing really jumped out at me at all. Now, my 16 year old self can feel at rest, knowing that she didn't really miss out on anything. I definitely had a style all of my own at college. This probably all seems stupid now looking back, but as a 16 year old who was a bit tubby, everything mattered. Now I know when I pass by I am not missing out on anything, even though I can fit my ass in their clothes if I wanted to.

I have also been doing loads of slimming world recipes today, which has really started to bring my motivation back. My favourite of the day would have to be the coronation chicken sandwich filler that my best friend heard about from her group, Because who doesn't like coronation chicken??

The lovely heartwarming bit of my day was I got a card through the post from my slimming world consultant wishing me a good week. I'm very lucky to have an amazing slimming world consultant in Sharon, who helps us smile through the really difficult bits. It has joined my other bits on my inspiration wall, which I use to make sure I keep going.

I'm having to start IOU's for my terramundi pot, as I never have £1 coins when I need to put them in the pot, but I can only see it as a good thing. On the flip side, it definitely shows when I am feeling down about myself. Made me realise that I can have days where I feel great, but a lot of days where I put no money in there at all. So my next aim over this week is to find things that I am proud of to make sure that I put some money in my pot every day.

New week, new challenges. New week, new goals. 

Here's to a new week.

What a start to the year!

So this blog might end up taking a different turn. I will not be posting my updates on my social media, this is my own personal space, where I can just write what needs to be said. If someone else reads it and it is helpful, brilliant, but this is going to be done for me.
I have realised that I need to take a journey to love myself. I need to take a journey to not beat myself up over everything. I need to take a journey not to overthink everything. And dammit, I really want to go travelling. I want to see the world. I want to grow in myself in all forms.
So here are some plans.
Whilst I was visiting my best friend, I saw this terramundi pot and had to buy it. Now, every time I have a really positive thought about myself, when I'm proud of myself, when I look at myself and think 'you look bloody amazing' I put a pound in the pot. At the end of the year, I'm going to smash the pot, and see how rich I get from my own self love and my own self worth.
I do have another pot I need to buy, which is my overthinking pot. I have an unfortunate habit of overthinking, and beating myself up over everything. So every time I stop myself from overthinking, every time I stop beating myself up, I will put a pound in. What will be very interesting is to see which pot fills up quickest.
Next plan is every time I am on holiday, I want to use my time wisely. In March, I am going away with my friend to Canterbury. Hopefully this will lay some demons I have to rest. Canterbury is an absolutely wonderful place, and am really looking forward to seeing how my old uni stomping ground has changed. If I see people that I know there? Fine. I have my best friend to back me up, but also I need to learn to back myself up as well. Most of the time, things are never as bad as what I made out in my head, and its like I wasted all that energy on something that actually never happened. So that has to stop.
Next holiday is May, which is my birthday week. I intend to invite all my mates downtown for a proper night out. Something I haven't actually done on my birthday since I was 20, and haven't gone out properly in Portsmouth since I was 18. This needs to be done. I need to get hilariously drunk, be irresponsible, be a young person again. Now I'm not saying you need a drink to have a good night, but I just want to cut loose.
Then there is October. If all goes to plan, I will be heading with a friend to India, somewhere I have always wanted to travel to, and get to eat curry continuously for two weeks. Get to see the sights and amazing culture, and say yes, I have been there. This for me is the big one. I have never been on a long haul flight before, so I have to make it a good one.
This year is going to be my year, I can just feel it. I have no idea what the future holds, but I know I need to start doing what makes me truly happy. I need to stop having regrets, and I need to live my life.
Here's to 2017! xx

Getting a couple of things off my chest.

So, just to update, if people don't already know...

I have stopped going to the doctors surgery for my weigh ins, I have started slimming world instead.

 I was vey apprehensive at first, but found that I have really enjoyed it, and it has worked really well for me.

Now, here goes.

Just a couple of things. I want to say thank you to all you wonderful people who have sent me Facebook links, recipe ideas, syn values for ice creams, and those who deal with me either chatting about it all the time, or my constant question asking. You are wonderful and help keep me going. It has made me realise a couple of things though that annoy me no end.

 *Warning* rant!

Turning around when I have a chocolate bar or something saying 'are you sure you can have that?' 'Should you be having that?' is not helpful. I can bloody well have that because I have worked for it. I have been careful all day so I can have this. If you don't like it? Tough tits. Who knew you were the food police?

Constantly asking if I want a certain sweet/cake/food when I have said no is rude, and could be cruel. I have said no. Accept my no and move on. I am not asking you to abstain, just stop bugging me about it. Have you not thought that I've said no, so that I can say yes to something at another time?

When you can see my weight loss, saying I look 'much better' or 'you look so beautiful now' etc. Now just to clarify, people congratulating me on my weight loss is different. People who have supported me on my journey are different. Its those underhand back compliments I don't like that can be very hurtful. What you are basically saying is I didn't approve of your weight before, silently judging me for all these years for my looks. All those compliments you said before now feel empty and defunct, because you didn't actually mean them, you just felt obliged to say them. Friends do not push each other down, they build each other up. I am doing this for me, not so that you feel better that I fit your version of normal or acceptable. Maybe you don't realise that it can come off as rude, but that person is still me. That body got me through so much, and I am grateful and love it. So you insult that body? You insult this one too.

One of the hardest things for people to accept- I actually liked myself before. Don't get me wrong, I had my hang ups, I had my lows. But I had my highs as well. That body could surprise even the best of people. That body could withstand some hard arse zumba classes. That body had rhythm, that for a beginner I could dance well and enjoy it at whatever size. I dressed for my body however I liked and still will do. We fat people don't have to hate ourselves on a constant basis. We are allowed to like ourselves, the same as we can change it if we want to.

 

I'm sure there are others that annoy the hell out of you. These are just the ones I have encountered at the moment. I'm sure if there are any others, I will do a rant filled blog post for you soon ;)

Getting my Motivation back

New dress from Tenerife.
Just had to put it in there..

I haven't been very good at keeping this blog post running regarding my weight loss journey.
That is because I have felt very guilty about my weight gain after my blood test back in August
My motivation has been waning, as I have been either ill or on holiday for a fair few weeks, and I do truly miss zumba. I can tell I am not at my best, as I am finding the zumba class difficult.
I had my weigh in today, and saw the lady I used to see, and it was so nice to catch up and vent some of my lack of motivation.
It was so nice for someone to turn around and say that it's ok. I've been there. Life isn't always easy. Give yourself a break sometimes, because in the end you will come back so much stronger.

I also have a friend who is a bodybuilder, (check her instagram out here hollypatriciaemerson) and posts some amazing stuff regarding her weight loss journey. One video she posted that particularly helped me this week was this one. So informative about 'health products' that are really just bad for you.
The combination has really motivated me to keep going with this journey. I will get there in the end. :)

It's going to be pretty Lush...

So I've been a bit quiet on the blog front, I'm sorry. It's all been a bit manic lately! I have some brilliant news to tell you.
I am working as a lushie once again!
I am working at Lush Chichester this year as a Christmas temp. I am slightly mad, as I now have two jobs that get very busy for Christmas. However I loved working at Lush before, so couldn't pass up on that opportunity.

My personal favourite: Lord of Misrule

I had my first week of shifts, and felt like I slotted in nicely getting back into the swing of things.
I think this will help me with my weight loss as well, as I will be on my feet moving for more of my shifts. That might mean some more shoes though ;D
There are some brilliant halloween and christmas products in store, so definitely worth popping in to have a a look at them all.
xx

The results are in....

I have been really bad in letting you know the situation at the moment, sorry guys!
I had my blood test a couple of weeks ago- a complete drama as per usual, but got enough blood in the end- and found out I am not coeliac. However, I have worked out from the 6 weeks of gluten that I believe I have IBS, with certain foods setting it off. I have been experimenting with food a lot more to see what would upset me, and how it physically affects my body.
I am starting to get a better understanding of my body and what affects it.
It has been quite hard to get back in to the swing of things, with getting used to eating gluten free again, and being quite stressed out at the moment. Combined with Sarah and I's zumba class not being on over the summer, and now zumba not being on for two weeks (understandably, we all need a break) I have lost some of my motivation at the moment.
This morning though, I decided to treat myself to new workout trainers, and some new sports bras, ready for September.
I also went to see Katie again today. I stayed the same weight, which I was very pleased about, and booked another appointment a month from now; to give me a chance to get back into the swing of things again.
Time to get the motivation back and move on up! x