Beautifying and Realising :)

Dotty P for the win!

So today has been pretty busy for a day off, preparing for my cousin's wedding. This morning I had my first facial at my local health and beauty place. I found it hard to shut off my brain at the time, but after I felt incredibly relaxed, with beautiful skin. I definitely will be having it again, and will hopefully be glowing on saturday :)
After that, went shopping to get accessories for this dress I'm wearing to the wedding.
I think people have no idea how hard it is to actually shop for a plus size person. Most shops won't cater for us in the first place, or do these patronising 'plus size ranges' which are basically potato sacks. It took my friend and I four hours to find a nice dress and a pair of shoes that will fit and suit me. Today, it took my friend and I an extra 3 hours to find a hair piece and a bag, and still haven't found a shrug to go with it. This time, it wasn't to do with my shape or size, but moreso all the different colours of the dress and matching them all up!
On the plus side though, I must of burnt off a lot of calories from all the walking we did ;)
When I got home, I had my hair cut, and then was off to the gym for the weekly zumba class. I can tell I'm getting back into the swing of things gym wise, as I didn't need to collapse afterwards. Always a plus. Going back to the gym has also lifted my spirits, and putting me back on track health and weight wise.
I recently got a proper diagnosis of all my hormonal problems- PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) which means I'm not so harsh on myself when I don't lose weight quicker. My doctor will hopefully be putting me on metformin tablets, commonly used for type 2 diabetes patients to control blood sugar, to try and counteract the effects of PCOS.

Taken on Guernsey during tour :)

To be honest, I'm just happy I know what is going on with my body, as it takes one stress off my mind. It also gives you a better outlook on your body. My self confidence has come up enough to post this photo, and have it as my profile pic. I would never have done anything of the sort at the beginning of the year. If I am being honest with myself, I probably wouldn't of allowed the photo to even go up on facebook, let alone post it myself! For me, I just don't care anymore if people don't like the photo. I think I look nice, and it's taken me a while to realise it, but that's all that matters. Obviously if your friends, your other half, and your family like it, then that is always a plus. In the end though, it starts with you. I'll finish this post with this little saying:
'Next time you think of beautiful things, don't forget to count yourself in'. x

Caught by surprise

Well it's been a bit of an emotional day! My local church hosts our local music festival every year, and on the last day they invite members of the church to perform during the morning service. I got asked to play, and couldn't do the violin piece I wanted to do with the notice given, so I thought that I would perform mum's song. I thought it was going to be fine.
It got to the time to play it, and I just freaked. I still performed the song to the best of my ability, but I felt so anxious/emotional/out of control, my leg that wasn't using the pedal was shaking uncontrollably. I felt fine straight after, because I got it out of the way, but after the service, the song brought me down into a low place. The song is so sentimental, so personal, it drains you completely. For the rest of the day, I have been feeling really down. It wasn't intentional, I just hope the people don't think I am a glutton for punishment!
What I am really glad for is the support I have around me. I have had a chat with someone I consider a family friend, and is a bit like my musical parent replacement. It's nice to know that you aren't barking mad. A control freak, but not barking mad. You do need to speak out loud what you are thinking sometimes. It helps to re-arrange the thoughts in your head.
I will definitely think very hard before I do it again. For me, it proves the point that music is so emotionally connected to us all, that a mere 3 minute song can do so much for our mood. Without feeling the unhappy moments, you cannot experience the pure joy you get from music, whether it is playing it, or just listening.
I know now that I needed that moment. Now I just need to cheer the hell up :P x