Doors Closing and opening

These past two days I have been having fantastic experiences with my graduation and the model casting. Friday was a day of doors closing, and today has been a day of doors opening for me.

Firstly, I had my graduation at Canterbury. It was such a wonderful experience, to graduate at Canterbury Cathedral, with people that I considered friends, especially being able to graduate with my best friend :) It was also a time to build bridges with people. I was also very lucky to get all three family members that came to Canterbury to be able to see me graduate. Yes, my Mum wasn't there to see me graduate, but on the plus side, she didn't really need a seat, because she was with us.
I can now finish that chapter of my life, and move on to better and bigger things. I can keep things that I enjoyed from it, appreciate the amazing people that I met, and not worry about the bad.

Today, I had my model casting for London Plus Size Fashion Weekend. This was the first time that I have ever gone to a model casting. I was very lucky to have my best friend there supporting me. At first, I found the whole thing very daunting. There were girls there talking about their modelling, and campaigns that they have done. I felt like the only one there who wasn't a professional model. At one point, I was trying to work out in my head how to get out of the place without making it look obvious, then a lady from Evolve magazine came in to ask about the reasons as to why we were doing it. That's when I started to feel comfortable and open up. I am so glad that I stayed and saw it through, because I felt the casting went really well, and got to see some of the pageant girls as well. It's nice to see that they are doing so well for themselves.
The thing I got the most out of for that casting though was what the lady from the magazine said. She said that what they are also looking for is women who are strong and confident within themselves. I didn't think that I was, but my friend sees otherwise. Then I had a breakthrough. Those people in Canterbury who tried to make my life hell, I thank them. If they didn't try and push me down, then I wouldn't of gained the strength to fight back, to push them out of my way.
What do I say now? Keep trying, because you are helping me be the best person that I can be. x

Life = BUSY

Well I have truly settled back into university, and the work now really starts.
I am in uni three times a week, back at the Post Office after my obligatory 3 weeks off, and started driving lessons. To add onto this I am in three Orchestra's, with one that I lead, with three concerts coming up, and potentially three tours this year as well.
Busy is an understatement. Strangely though, I seem to be much happier in myself because of it. Yes, it is very stressful (especially when you leave your violin in your dad's car one morning, and forget to email yourself your orchestration...) but I have such a great support system in place, especially my other half, who supports me every step of the way. I seem to really fit in with everyone here, and I have really immersed myself in the work that has been given to me.
I enjoy practicing, and I feel so much more confident in my skills as a violinist.
On the down-side, I have not had the opportunity, or frankly the time to get to the gym. That in a sense does affect your self confidence, especially when you have to give your dress size for a dress to be made for you. I have less time to eat well, and it is so difficult to balance that out. That is the life of a musician. I will be starting to make a concerted effort to get back to the gym, and to maintain healthy choices. When I have free days/evenings, I will start to cook my own food again, to do my own food shopping, and to build my mental strength against bad food choices. Instead of having chinese with the boyfriend when we have dinner, I could cook. There is always a way around problems.
I am learning though that everything comes in time. Something will always fall on the wayside, but in time, I will learn how to balance my life. I won't always be able to keep on top of everything, but perseverance is the key to most problems.
So keep going, because life is a one way street. x

Getting on with life

I find it so hard to be at home at the moment. It's difficult to live at home, I am doing nothing this year, and I really miss my Canterbury friends.
Spending three years in Canterbury meant that most of my friends are there. I kept in touch with some of the pompey folk, but some I'm quite happy to lose. They treated me like shit. Others didn't make the same effort with me as I did them. The remaining are few and far between, and have their own lives, which don't include me any more.
I feel very alone. I rely on having good friends that I can hang out with a lot. Whether this is a stage in growing up, I don't know. All I do know is that I don't like it one bit.
The friends I keep in touch with in Canterbury are wonderful. Skype, texts, catch ups on the phone, and the odd drunken phone call (yes, that means you Benoit) are good, but it's not the same as the real thing.
For me, Canterbury is a place full of mixed emotions. I would love to go back, (and intend to soon, fingers crossed!!) but I have so many memories that I don't want, so many hard emotions there. Going there will be good to face those demons. Maybe that way I can get on with life a lot easier.

Until I am there to enjoy some good times with you, I wish you all the best. I miss you dearly, and want you to know I'm thinking of you and praying for you all. x