Rachel Update and new beginnings

A lot has happened since I first started this blog. A lot has happened since my last blog post. I was in a very low point in my life. I was lucky to have the support of a few close friends around me. I went to India. I became a new woman. I became an independent lover of life. I was happy just being by myself. I started to truly heal the wounds of 2017.
2018 has really truly been a year of new starts. I started working as a violin teacher, which has truly been a goal to use my degree to its full use. I went back to an old job that I absolutely loved. I started a new job. I realised that money definitely helps, but having a job that makes you happy is what matters. I have realised that I really am truly good at my jobs, because I actually enjoy what I am doing.
I went to Vietnam and Cambodia in August with my oldest friend. I feel so lucky to have had that experience. I feel so lucky to be able to explore my love of travelling. Vietnam and Cambodia also made me realise that you can have anxiety, yet still be really brave. Though I was a complete mess before I went with my anxiety. I am so proud to say that I was one of the bravest people on that trip. I completed the Chu Chi Tunnels. Only 3 out of 13 of us did it. I faced my fear of heights, and went to a Sky bar in Saigon. After the initial fear, I ended up really enjoying the evening. I wasn't going to let my fear stop me from doing it though. I also ate tarantula, scorpion, and cricket. It's like I did all my worrying before my holiday, so I could be completely free of it whilst I was there.
I have also got on to the property ladder. I am still trying to get everything sorted out, but I am getting there. I have been getting frustrated that it isn't organised yet. I want it to be perfect. I keep being told though that it really is one step at a time. It will be fine. I have also noticed that I have been starting to trust my own judgement when it comes to decisions in my house. I know what I want, and I just want to be able to see my vision through.
Another development is that I have a new man in my life. I am really happy that they are in my life, I am just getting used to being with someone who is in the forces. There is so much to try and learn and understand. The way I think is the more I understand, the more it helps the relationship.
He is away now for 7 weeks, and this is the longest time I have spent away from him so far. But not just away, without proper communication as well. I know that deployment is going to be much longer (more like 6 months), but I have found it a bit difficult. When you are with someone in the forces, partly having that reassurance from them really helps. In the end though, you really have to know for yourself that they care about you. Not just that, but that you care about yourself.
I try and look at the benefits. It gives me the freedom that I always crave. I get to truly enjoy being by myself in my flat. I get the time to myself to sort through everything in my own time. I get time to be with my friends.
I also had some brilliant advice from a friend who was in the army. It is better to make the most of what you have together, try to not worry about what could happen later, or if something could change. Life is short. Enjoy it!
I probably will end up writing in this blog more often now, as I have found being able to write down my thoughts has really helped. It may not be all the time, but I'm just going to use it to be able to just write down how I feel, and if other people in the same position want to connect and chat, please feel free! It would be great to talk to other people in the same situation!

One step at a time

I have found out that I have unofficially got a job now! I am so thankful, because I was finding it so draining being on Jobseekers. It is ironically so much easier to get another job when you already have one, so fingers crossed I can get a bar job to give me more hours. I also had my first blood test yesterday, which is not what I considered very fun to say the least. It had to be done by one of the doctors as I have really awkward veins, and had to have it done twice because something went wrong the first time. In the end they had to take it out of my hand, which I didn't really mind, or care frankly. I was just grateful that the doctor and nurse were both really nice, and both really empathetic. They were having banter, which ironically calmed me down a lot :)Anyhoo.... on to better subjects!
The pageant is definitely having a good effect on me, and on my confidence generally. I went to the gym yesterday morning, and thought I'd bring my Miss Portsmouth Curve sash with me to show my friend, when the girls dared me to wear the sash whilst working out. I felt a bit of an idiot at first, but then people started commenting saying well done, and generally being supportive. I got used to people staring at me. I normally find it hard to deal with people staring at me, because it makes me feel self-concious. I am starting to realise that getting attention can be good, as long as it's the right attention, aka no guys grabbing at me (you can look, but can't touch!). The fact I did that simple little thing gave me a well needed boost. I also can't seem to stop strutting around the place as if it's a catwalk! I'm sure that I won't go into arrogant territory, I gotta stop thinking that confidence is arrogance or cockiness. It's a good trait!
So here's a good song to reflect my mood (and my walking! :P)

Don't you just love a positive, productive day?

I love having a productive day. I have nearly finished my UCAS application, (which I thought was to be sent today, but realised it's by Sunday, thank goodness!) I've been looking for jobs again, so hopefully having my temporary Lush job should look really good on my CV- Lush has a good reputation for customer service. I have also decided to do the pageant in the end :D I think that I need something out of my comfort zone, and I need a bit more confidence. It also gives me a new goal with my weight loss and motivation. Just need some new photos to send off and I'll be ready!
I have been looking at some of my photos from 2011, and though it is not a drastic change, I can tell that I am losing weight. My oblique muscles were aching earlier this week, (a good sign) and I seem to have lost weight from my back, but seem to of kept my boobs! Result! I also was able to buy a size lower and fit into it as well, which was very exciting :D
I can feel that my confidence is starting to grow- at an 18th birthday party Saturday, I had so much fun dancing both bollywood and chart dancing- after a slightly shaky bollywood start- and as the evening went on (and more wine was consumed) I was feeling unstoppable, and didn't care whether I looked like a complete idiot. Yes, it may of been down to the drink, but who cares? I was confident, and I haven't felt that in a very long time.
I have also found the awesomeness which is anime! A lushie friend of mine introduced Ghost in the Shell to me, and I love it. It may not have plus size females in there, but the 'major' is the strongest of them all, in command, and kicks arse! It is good to see a truly strong female main character in a series. It defies the characterisation of women being bitches, using sex to get what they want, or on the other side of the scale, women who need a man to function. We need more strong women in the media, as most shows depict a strong woman as a bitch, which frankly is not helping at all.

What I'm trying to say very inarticulately, is that all these little positive things are helping me be more confident, more comfortable in my own skin, and who I want to be, and that can only be a good thing. x
P.S I want the major's purple hair.

Fun Filled Training :D

This evening, I had my first week of training at Lush. With normal jobs, it is the most boring part of getting the job, but lets face it- Lush isn't any other job!
We got to play with the Christmas stock and get shown how to demo products. This has to be one of the most fun jobs I have ever had, and I haven't even properly started yet! The rota is only one week in advance, so I won't have major problems with concerts etc, and as they have so many staff that can only work weekends, it means that I don't have to work Sundays. I can wear my crucifix, and as long as it's black, we have the freedom of wearing what we like, and adding colours to our outfits.
We are celebrated for being different, and having passions in our lives, which is such a nice change from my past jobs.
Another added bonus of working in Lush is that all the people are friendly and nice, as it is their job to be. Lush won't hire a grumpy type, making your job easier. Making friends is so much easier there, as frankly everyone is as bonkers as me, and all have their passions! There are so many people in the arts there as well, I feel that I can  identify with so many people :D
I cannot wait to have training next week, so I can go through all the main products, but also to see all the other 'newbies' again! We already have a Blackberry group going atm! Sad or what eh :P
We are getting our staff boxes soon, full of products that are new and/or upcoming, which is rather exciting, and get our 50% (yes, 50%) staff discount on the 25th of October, and also an evening where the newbies, plus some friends and family can have the shop to ourselves, and all get the 50% staff discount.

Let me know if you fancy coming along ;) x

<--- The store I will be working at- slightly different layout now :)