Drag and Lush- the best medicine there is.

So after a really rough start to the year, this week has been one of the most healing of weeks I could have.
I am on new drugs that do make me very numb and very spaced out. The only way I can describe to people who haven't been on these types of drugs, is that its like having emotional blinkers. Your body doesn't allow you to feel your emotions to the fullest, especially the bad ones. It also unfortunately gives you a bigger appetite. Not exactly great when you are trying to lose weight, and maintain the weight loss that I currently have at the moment. So I have decided to give myself a bit of a break. Not be very bad as such, but just ride the food storm through. I'm going to try and exercise a bit more, and really top up on the free foods, speed and protein.
So whilst on my first week of tablets, I had a night out already planned to go see Trinity Taylor and Aja from Ru Paul's Drag Race season 9. I am a major Trinity Taylor fan, and the minute I saw she was coming to the UK I jumped at the chance to get tickets, and get to meet her afterwards as well. So I bought two tickets assuming I would be able to find someone free to go with me.

Divina De Campo

Well that never happened. So I thought no, I am still going to go. I am not missing out on the opportunity to meet my queen. I also really needed to get away from everything for a night. Do things by myself.
In the end, I watched Judy at the Arts Theatre for the matinee (definitely go see it. Amazing show.) and then went back to my hotel to get ready to go back out. I could feel I was on the verge of a panic attack, so rung my best friend, who made sure I got my bum to the gig.
I am so glad I went. I was so anxious going by myself, but once I found the room it was all going on in, I was able to calm down and attempt to enjoy the evening.
Got to see Divina De Campo as our host to start with. Very quick on her feet with the crowd, and the voice. Heard her do Barcelona. Stunning. Was able to get really near the front for all three queens.
I always knew I was going to love Trinity. So nutty I loved it. Aja made me a fan that night. Her lipsyncing is stunning. I was just in awe the whole time.
Getting to meet them afterwards and getting Trinity to sign my merchandise was just the cherry on top of the cake. They were both so sweet and kind.
I was just so proud of myself that I was able to go by myself and rid myself of my demons for a night. I felt like my meet and greet was my reward.
I would definitely recommend going to a holy trannity run show as well. So well organised, and so well thought out as well. Every base had been covered. I would definitely go again, and do intend to if any of my favourite queens were local to me again.
The other part of my London trip was my spa treatment at King's Road Lush. I got some spa treatments when I used to work for the company, so it's nice that I get to use them after I have left. I have always heard such good things about the comforter, and I was able to get a last minute appointment. I don't believe in coincidence. It really felt beautiful to feel properly pampered. To feel completely calm (especially as I had a mild panic attack on the tube on my way there), and feel like I was in the right place at the right time. It gave me so much clarity of my present situation. Sometimes you really have to go through a rough patch to be able to learn from your mistakes; to learn what you will and won't accept, to realise how strong you truly are, to know that everything will be ok in the end. At the end of my treatment, my wonderful therapist actually random acted me. All you lush workers know how much that means. I will be going back there soon for my hard days night treatment, and can't wait to book it in.
After my treatment, I decided to go out for lunch before heading back home. I received a wonderful message from someone who went to the show after seeing my instagram post from the night before.
Random acts of kindness kept me going and persevering throughout the day. I didn't have a panic attack on the tube on the way back. It's the little things.
So I suppose in the end, I want you to know that words make such a difference in people's lives. Make sure they are good ones.

What a Gaga Weekend!

Well this weekend has been amazing for me, as I have been to my very first live popular music concert, and watched Lady Gaga at the O2 arena in London!

With a nice dose of pointless :P

I have always liked Lady Gaga, so this has been a long time coming, after I couldn't get tickets for her last tour.
I was able to go with my best friend from uni who I haven't seen in a while, so it was brilliant to catch up with her and just have lots of fun :D
We obviously had to dress up, especially after seeing some of the brilliant outfits we saw people wearing for her tour so far. We weren't alone in dressing up, but equally we were in the minority, which was a shame, but hey ho.
What really did strike a chords though was how I didn't feel so nervous or self-conscious about this. I think it did help that I had my friend there with me, but I think partly I am just happier in myself.
I don't feel half as unwell as I used to, I am losing weight, and for the most part am starting to build my confidence.
The bit that I remember before the concert was when we were queuing up to get in. There were girls who dressed up as Where's Wally, (which was brilliant by the way) but otherwise it was just us.
I was starting to get a little self-conscious and nervous, when I noticed a family queuing with their children. The dad was staring at my outfit, I noticed him and smiled, and he gave me a friendly thumbs up. That was the moment I really felt at ease, because I think partly we all like to be accepted, and I realised no-one else really cared apart from me. These people didn't judge me, either on my outfit or my weight, and that was refreshing as well.
Maybe it is the fans of Lady Gaga. She really does have such a wide fan base, and she promotes acceptance in everything that she does, which I think feeds into her fans.
She was absolutely amazing, and did songs from all her albums, it was just such a brilliant show.
Here's hoping that acceptance becomes a part of everyone's lives, not just the few.

Doors Closing and opening

These past two days I have been having fantastic experiences with my graduation and the model casting. Friday was a day of doors closing, and today has been a day of doors opening for me.

Firstly, I had my graduation at Canterbury. It was such a wonderful experience, to graduate at Canterbury Cathedral, with people that I considered friends, especially being able to graduate with my best friend :) It was also a time to build bridges with people. I was also very lucky to get all three family members that came to Canterbury to be able to see me graduate. Yes, my Mum wasn't there to see me graduate, but on the plus side, she didn't really need a seat, because she was with us.
I can now finish that chapter of my life, and move on to better and bigger things. I can keep things that I enjoyed from it, appreciate the amazing people that I met, and not worry about the bad.

Today, I had my model casting for London Plus Size Fashion Weekend. This was the first time that I have ever gone to a model casting. I was very lucky to have my best friend there supporting me. At first, I found the whole thing very daunting. There were girls there talking about their modelling, and campaigns that they have done. I felt like the only one there who wasn't a professional model. At one point, I was trying to work out in my head how to get out of the place without making it look obvious, then a lady from Evolve magazine came in to ask about the reasons as to why we were doing it. That's when I started to feel comfortable and open up. I am so glad that I stayed and saw it through, because I felt the casting went really well, and got to see some of the pageant girls as well. It's nice to see that they are doing so well for themselves.
The thing I got the most out of for that casting though was what the lady from the magazine said. She said that what they are also looking for is women who are strong and confident within themselves. I didn't think that I was, but my friend sees otherwise. Then I had a breakthrough. Those people in Canterbury who tried to make my life hell, I thank them. If they didn't try and push me down, then I wouldn't of gained the strength to fight back, to push them out of my way.
What do I say now? Keep trying, because you are helping me be the best person that I can be. x

Am I finally maturing...?!?

Today has been a weird mix, but mainly full of mature, adult things that needed to be done.
I was applying for jobs this morning, and I really am starting to feel disheartened. The jobs I found wouldn't give me an interview, and the others are hard for me to get to.
It definitely is hard for young people these days. We couldn't get a job at first, because we didn't have enough qualifications. Now that we have qualifications, we are over-qualified. We also have to fight against mature, experienced people who have lost their jobs.
There definitely is a plus side to this- I had my interview with Halfords today. After working for Lush, it felt quite weird to have a formal interview again! I thought it went quite well though, but who knows? I definitely tried my hardest, and that is all that I can do. Hopefully I get a phone call from them soon :)
In the evening I helped out at my old youth club, which is always really fun. I get to put the volunteering onto my CV, which is always a help, but I really do it for the kids. I always really enjoyed going to youth club at the end of the week, and I do feel that it is a nice way for me to give back. The kids are also really nice, and I think they see me as someone that they can talk to, but hopefully someone that they should respect. Without sounding arrogant, I think the kids enjoy it when I'm there too, and one of the parents said that their child only likes it when I'm there. It's quite daunting, but it helps keep me motivated to go and help.
I think children do pick up on whether people want to be there or not. Bless him, but I can tell that the leader has been coerced into running the youth club. The kids have no rapport with the leader, and they want to constantly do something, not just sit around and do nothing every other week. I am in the unique position that the kids do talk to me, and it is difficult, as I do agree that they want something to do, but it's not my place to say anything, as I know the response would be "well you run it then".

Typical picture of Boom and I.

On to lighter subjects eh!
I'm am so excited for tomorrow, firstly because I will be seeing Bethan, (aka BOOM buddy) and I haven't seen her in ages! Secondly, we are going to London, to see Nigel Kennedy play the four seasons. For me, he is the master of those works, and to hear it live is going to be EPIC.

It was great to chat to boom to sort out arrangements for tomorrow, but to also sort out where we're going to meet, what we're going to do, and working through all the underground closures, it is nice to sort out the nitty gritty details, rather than leaving the job to someone else. I even thought of going to see some exhibitions...scary eh! Knowing us though, I think we'll slip into our usual chatter about random crap and de-mature pretty quickly!
Fingers crossed we will, all this maturity from me is a bit freaky. x