Feeling accepted

So yesterday I went to Southsea Fashion Week's Haute Couture and Avant Garde shows. I wore my Miss Portsmouth Curve sash, and found a fabulous designer- Gerli Liivamagi. Her designs were breathtaking, and in St Peter's Church, it was so haunting. I will definitely be bugging her to make the dresses for my size ;D (http://www.gerliliivamagi.com)
What I also loved was the response that I got from people on the night. I was a bit worried about wearing my sash at first, especially as plus size is such a taboo in fashion, but what I got from so many people was smiles. To feel accepted on my first public outing was such a confidence boost for me, and in the interval, I bumped into some of the models, who were beautiful inside and out, and met Miss Portsmouth Popularity who was modelling that evening.
I hope that in my little way, I showed that plus size is prevalent in fashion. I think the fashion world is moving closer and closer to accepting people of all shapes and sizes, and it just needs a spark.
It is going to be a difficult week for me, being my mother's anniversary. But I have made a promise to myself, that this bank holiday every year, I will do something new, and that way, it'll feel like she is with me every step of the way, that she isn't missing out on everything in my life. This year, it was the fashion week. I think she gave me the courage to go out there and wear my sash.
So mum, this one is for you. x

I love fashion, but will fashion ever love me?

As many plus women out there will know, it is very difficult to get the latest fashions, and to shop in the highstreet. Granted, there are many shops that do cater for us, and some who give us a special plus size range, but so many like warehouse and topshop to name a few, don't cater for the plus size woman, and doesn't intend to.

Velvet d'amour at Paris 2006

 I have seen so many plus size women start to break the boundaries in fashion (with velvet d'amour being a great example) that it has given me hope. We need to challenge the version of 'the norm'. We need to make it a necessity for us to see real women on the catwalk, not just the token plus size model here and there.
I will be attending Southsea fashion week this weekend, which is my local city, and the city I represented for Miss British Beauty Curve 2012. I am very excited to go, not just to see all the beautiful designs, but a little birdy told me there are a couple of plus size ranges in there. It makes me proud to call myself a pompey lass, and gives me reason to think that fashion will truly love plus size women one day.
So if you are at the haute couture and avant garde shows this weekend, come say hello! :D x

Heroes and fine examples.

Today, I saw this photo from the 1968 Olympics. I never knew that this happened until today. In this modern day and age, we see people as people, rather than look at the colour of their skin. Growing up in the south of England, I don't see many people who aren't white, but I have been taught (as I should) to treat everyone with respect. It wasn't always like that.
At the 1936 Olympics, Hitler wanted to prove that looking a certain way (white, blonde hair, blue eyes) made you stronger, faster, most powerful. Jesse Owens humiliated Hitler by proving that theory very wrong.
The story of this 1968 photo shows such respect. Tommie Smith, John Carlos, and Peter Norman, and their fight for equality,.
What really hits home for me is Peter Norman. I can understand Smith and Carlos's plight, but I can identify with Norman. His words: 'I'll stand with you' when the Americans told him what they were going to do. It was also Norman who suggested that Smith and Carlos share the black gloves used in their salute, after Carlos left his gloves in the Olympic Village. They all ostracised themselves from their country's media, they put their athletics career in jeopardy. It brought hope that we can move forward as humans. The other great achievements were Nicola Adams and Jade Jones's gold medals. The first time women's boxing is introduced to the Olympics. The first gold medal ever and it goes to Great Britain. The first time Great Britain has won in Taekwondo. These are the people we should look up to; not the BB contestants, not the reality 'stars'.Here's to the rest of the games, here's to the heroes, the inspiration people of the past, the present, and the future. x

Onwards and Upwards!

For a little while, I have been trying to sort out my entry year into university. Yesterday I got a breakthrough, and got the entry level and the course I wanted! For me this is a big sigh of relief- I don't need to worry about my academic future, being one less thing to worry about. 

I can now prepare for university life: apply for the student loan, try to work out my timetable, get practising, and sort my work life around uni. This time I can apply myself, not worrying about whether I am being sociable enough, and whether people like me. I obviously don't want everyone to hate me, but living at home, and being a little bit older, I won't be in the department 24/7 to do everything, and won't be involved in the politics of the department.

Invading a year early has really helped me get the feel of the department and how it is run. I also have had a chance to get to know some of the people that are there. Going straight into third year will mean that these people would of already made their friendship groups. It can make life a lot harder, especially if you all need to work together. Having that year would mean I feel more comfortable, especially the Guernsey trip, because it means I already know people, and hopefully won't be afraid to come up and talk to me, and visa versa.

I am now incredibly excited, and ready to get my teeth into this year. This is my last chance saloon. I will push myself as far as I need to to get these results, and be able to say I have a degree with honours. To give those Canterbury people who doubt(ed) me the proverbial finger. To show them the amazing opportunities that I have been given, and the opportunities I hope to get in the future. A step back is sometimes what you need to move forward.

Now to sort out the rest of my life! ;p x

A proud brit right now :D

Being a brit, we do moan and complain about everything. We moaned about the bad weather. We moaned about the hot summery weather, then moaned about the weather turning fair again. We moan about the state of society, we moan about the government, and life in Britain.

Showing a bit of support :D

The olympics have really made me realise how proud I am to live in Britain. The opening ceremony was such a celebration of british life, our history, our sense of humour, and our creativity. Yes, we do have problems, but so does every country in the world. It was when we hosted the Olympics that there is a women's boxing event, and a woman in every competing team. For me, that is such an achievement in itself without the ceremony.
I am also so proud of the GB team in women's football. I have never watched a female football match before, but went up to Cardiff to go watch them play. The guts, skill, determination, and team work they showed in their match was amazing. I now have a new sport that I want to watch, with such great role models for it.
Considering the men's performance at the euro's this year, it's nice to have a home team we can really get behind. After their amazing performance against Brazil, I hope they get more media coverage after the Olympics. I certainly intend to watch games and get more into the sport after the Olympics personally. To me, they deserve the coverage over the men.
For the first time in a while, I am a proud brit. Here come the girls, and here's hoping that their good example continues and spreads over Great Britain.

Beautifying and Realising :)

Dotty P for the win!

So today has been pretty busy for a day off, preparing for my cousin's wedding. This morning I had my first facial at my local health and beauty place. I found it hard to shut off my brain at the time, but after I felt incredibly relaxed, with beautiful skin. I definitely will be having it again, and will hopefully be glowing on saturday :)
After that, went shopping to get accessories for this dress I'm wearing to the wedding.
I think people have no idea how hard it is to actually shop for a plus size person. Most shops won't cater for us in the first place, or do these patronising 'plus size ranges' which are basically potato sacks. It took my friend and I four hours to find a nice dress and a pair of shoes that will fit and suit me. Today, it took my friend and I an extra 3 hours to find a hair piece and a bag, and still haven't found a shrug to go with it. This time, it wasn't to do with my shape or size, but moreso all the different colours of the dress and matching them all up!
On the plus side though, I must of burnt off a lot of calories from all the walking we did ;)
When I got home, I had my hair cut, and then was off to the gym for the weekly zumba class. I can tell I'm getting back into the swing of things gym wise, as I didn't need to collapse afterwards. Always a plus. Going back to the gym has also lifted my spirits, and putting me back on track health and weight wise.
I recently got a proper diagnosis of all my hormonal problems- PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) which means I'm not so harsh on myself when I don't lose weight quicker. My doctor will hopefully be putting me on metformin tablets, commonly used for type 2 diabetes patients to control blood sugar, to try and counteract the effects of PCOS.

Taken on Guernsey during tour :)

To be honest, I'm just happy I know what is going on with my body, as it takes one stress off my mind. It also gives you a better outlook on your body. My self confidence has come up enough to post this photo, and have it as my profile pic. I would never have done anything of the sort at the beginning of the year. If I am being honest with myself, I probably wouldn't of allowed the photo to even go up on facebook, let alone post it myself! For me, I just don't care anymore if people don't like the photo. I think I look nice, and it's taken me a while to realise it, but that's all that matters. Obviously if your friends, your other half, and your family like it, then that is always a plus. In the end though, it starts with you. I'll finish this post with this little saying:
'Next time you think of beautiful things, don't forget to count yourself in'. x

Caught by surprise

Well it's been a bit of an emotional day! My local church hosts our local music festival every year, and on the last day they invite members of the church to perform during the morning service. I got asked to play, and couldn't do the violin piece I wanted to do with the notice given, so I thought that I would perform mum's song. I thought it was going to be fine.
It got to the time to play it, and I just freaked. I still performed the song to the best of my ability, but I felt so anxious/emotional/out of control, my leg that wasn't using the pedal was shaking uncontrollably. I felt fine straight after, because I got it out of the way, but after the service, the song brought me down into a low place. The song is so sentimental, so personal, it drains you completely. For the rest of the day, I have been feeling really down. It wasn't intentional, I just hope the people don't think I am a glutton for punishment!
What I am really glad for is the support I have around me. I have had a chat with someone I consider a family friend, and is a bit like my musical parent replacement. It's nice to know that you aren't barking mad. A control freak, but not barking mad. You do need to speak out loud what you are thinking sometimes. It helps to re-arrange the thoughts in your head.
I will definitely think very hard before I do it again. For me, it proves the point that music is so emotionally connected to us all, that a mere 3 minute song can do so much for our mood. Without feeling the unhappy moments, you cannot experience the pure joy you get from music, whether it is playing it, or just listening.
I know now that I needed that moment. Now I just need to cheer the hell up :P x