A lot has happened since I first started this blog. A lot has happened since my last blog post. I was in a very low point in my life. I was lucky to have the support of a few close friends around me. I went to India. I became a new woman. I became an independent lover of life. I was happy just being by myself. I started to truly heal the wounds of 2017.
2018 has really truly been a year of new starts. I started working as a violin teacher, which has truly been a goal to use my degree to its full use. I went back to an old job that I absolutely loved. I started a new job. I realised that money definitely helps, but having a job that makes you happy is what matters. I have realised that I really am truly good at my jobs, because I actually enjoy what I am doing.
I went to Vietnam and Cambodia in August with my oldest friend. I feel so lucky to have had that experience. I feel so lucky to be able to explore my love of travelling. Vietnam and Cambodia also made me realise that you can have anxiety, yet still be really brave. Though I was a complete mess before I went with my anxiety. I am so proud to say that I was one of the bravest people on that trip. I completed the Chu Chi Tunnels. Only 3 out of 13 of us did it. I faced my fear of heights, and went to a Sky bar in Saigon. After the initial fear, I ended up really enjoying the evening. I wasn't going to let my fear stop me from doing it though. I also ate tarantula, scorpion, and cricket. It's like I did all my worrying before my holiday, so I could be completely free of it whilst I was there.
I have also got on to the property ladder. I am still trying to get everything sorted out, but I am getting there. I have been getting frustrated that it isn't organised yet. I want it to be perfect. I keep being told though that it really is one step at a time. It will be fine. I have also noticed that I have been starting to trust my own judgement when it comes to decisions in my house. I know what I want, and I just want to be able to see my vision through.
Another development is that I have a new man in my life. I am really happy that they are in my life, I am just getting used to being with someone who is in the forces. There is so much to try and learn and understand. The way I think is the more I understand, the more it helps the relationship.
He is away now for 7 weeks, and this is the longest time I have spent away from him so far. But not just away, without proper communication as well. I know that deployment is going to be much longer (more like 6 months), but I have found it a bit difficult. When you are with someone in the forces, partly having that reassurance from them really helps. In the end though, you really have to know for yourself that they care about you. Not just that, but that you care about yourself.
I try and look at the benefits. It gives me the freedom that I always crave. I get to truly enjoy being by myself in my flat. I get the time to myself to sort through everything in my own time. I get time to be with my friends.
I also had some brilliant advice from a friend who was in the army. It is better to make the most of what you have together, try to not worry about what could happen later, or if something could change. Life is short. Enjoy it!
I probably will end up writing in this blog more often now, as I have found being able to write down my thoughts has really helped. It may not be all the time, but I'm just going to use it to be able to just write down how I feel, and if other people in the same position want to connect and chat, please feel free! It would be great to talk to other people in the same situation!
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