Surviving Lent Group :)

This is how I see Mary, strong, yet
somehow gentle

I had the lent group that I lead on Mary yesterday. I think it went quite well, and I just hope that the tweenies enjoyed it. I did my quiz on 10 things that you might not know about Mary, and I wanted to tackle different perceptions on Mary. Mary was such an important woman, and most pictures show her as a gentle, obedient mother. I think it would be unfair to Mary to class her as just a mother, because no woman is defined by the amount of children they have.
She was strong, loyal, and had unmovable faith. She didn't know for certain that Joseph would take her as his wife after Gabriel's message. She was put in serious danger of being stoned to death, but she put her immeasurable faith in God, and it worked out. Mary's inner strength could still give any woman today a run for their money, and still win hands down. Strength isn't necessarily physical, it's what you can go through, what you are willing to give up, that shows the strength of a person.
On a different note, I'm feeling pretty rundown at the moment, and I'm feeling pretty crappy about it. I can't go to the gym, which is saying something. If you said to me 8 months ago that I would miss going to the gym, I would call you crazy. I think it's the endorphins- I feel so much happier with the gym in my life. Even though my hormonal problem doesn't help, I can see the difference too. My body is changing, and hopefully the way I think about myself, and the way people see me now. I hopefully am getting stronger, and more myself again. Last, but by no means least, I am not to be judged on my body. There will always be someone who tries. I will be there when karma comes back to bite them in the arse.
Anyhoo, I need to go to sleep now if I have any chance of getting in the gym tomorrow/today. Night. x

Summer days and saying goodbye

As you know from the last blog post, I gave myself the task to lead lent group about Mary. I have been doing my research about her, and have really enjoyed getting to know her better, and to be able to work out how to organise the evening, with some help from one of the ladies.
I think that this will help some people at church to see me as an adult, and I have proved to myself that I can still be academic, to present things, and that I can finish my degree.
This weekend I also made blue fairy cakes with some of the kids from church and dan, to take to lent group. Any excuse to eat cake! I always thought that young children didn't like me much, but they all were lovely. I get now that kids at that age are fickle to a certain extent. When you focus your attention on them, and do something they want to do, they are angels. When you aren't, they just don't focus all their attention on you. I don't think it's a matter of them not liking me.
Sunday, Dad planned a 6 mile walk, and luckily the weather co-operated and was gorgeous. I always loved walking ever since I was a kid, and it was good to stretch my legs. After we stopped for lunch, we were going up a steep hill. I powered up the hill, and I think that all this exercise is proving that I'm getting fitter as well.

This was her getting through the window,
because she left her keys in the house... :P 

Last, but by no means least, one of my close friends from church is leaving and going to Mumbai! I found out yesterday, and she's leaving Tuesday! I am seriously going to miss her loads. We always have so much to talk about, whether it's Harry Potter, blokes, films, or serious things,  it was always so much fun.
I am planning to go visit her at some point in the summer, before September, now I just have to find the money!
I wish her the very best of luck, and I will be thinking of her x

What have I got myself in for..?!

So yesterday, I went to the third instalment of the lent group, 'Something borrowed'. I love learning, and I loved learning about the festival of Divali, as going to a Catholic school, I never really got taught about other religions.

I think it is good to learn about other religions, and it reminds me of what my mum believed, which was that all religions have the same god. I don't really know what I believe in that respect, but I think that in the end, it's not my job to judge others. 

The next lent group is 'Something blue', and the person leading originally couldn't do it, so I thought that I would do it. I have now realised how difficult it is going to be to do lent group on Mary!

The minute I got home, I started the research, and I remembered how much I enjoy researching, and presenting things. Coming up with ideas to get the message across without boring them, or making them feel as if I am lecturing them. It is going to be tough, because there is not much mention of Mary in the bible (except for Jesus' birth, obviously). Luckily, one of the ladies is going to give me some of her course information about Mary, and I might pick out some ideas from there. I am also lucky that I have 3 priests at my church, who can hopefully look over all the information I have gathered, and give me some good feedback.

Anyway, I'm going to enjoy the sunshine while it lasts, toodles! x

Before I conk out...

I have a serious exercise today! A very short jog this morning (6:45 no less!), gym at 10, then after looking after my brother (he had an inset day today. Yea I dunno why it was in the middle of the week either.) I went back to the gym for a zumba class at 7. My muscles are a bit confused by the experience, but it was a good day. I got to have a lush bath, and relax for goodness knows how long. I think that is a great treat, and if it wasn't for my catarrh coming back YET AGAIN, I would know I smell pretty damn good.
I am in a very relaxed state/tired early for once, and apart from a lady at zumba who tried to patronise me-in a tone you would speak to a child- going "Oh don't worry, you'll get the hang of it soon" when frankly zumba is one of the only things sport-wise I'm actually good at, and she was getting most of the moves wrong, I'm all good. That is such a small speck on my day though.
One thing I have realised though, is that North of London syndrome (refer to earlier blog if you haven't come across the term- North of London syndrome) runs in the family. I was looking up a north of London map to help my poor geography skills, again, read the last blog for details, and I was looking at Liverpool and Manchester, and my brother comes out with "Manchester is in Scotland, right?"
Even I know that Manchester is not in Scotland. Oh dear.

I think my facebook map will shed some light. I have travelled to/had more photos taken in other countries than I have in the north of England. I haven't ever been to the neighbouring countries of the British Isles either. Oh dear.
 Hopefully travelling up to Old Trafford, and the Millennium stadium for the Olympics will help. A little. At least I am trying, right?
Anyhoo, back to the point. I am looking forward to doing my usual pilates and gym tomorrow, I just gotta hope this catarrh will bugger off before choir.
Fingers crossed! x

Feeling a bit sentimental!

For a little while, I have known that a certain lecturer from Canterbury Christ Church is retiring. He doesn't know that so many of the alumni are coming back to show support. However much I fought with him in third year, (and I can see now, he was right, most of the time) he was my reason for going to Canterbury, and also motivated me to not give up on music, when I was on the point of giving up on my music A levels. I remember freshers week, when most people went out for a coffee, I wanted to practice, so hid behind the screens. He poked his head round to listen, and asked me why I was hiding. I can't remember what else he said, but I do remember that it was then when I felt accepted, motivated, and so much more confident. Being in the Cantata choir broadened my choral horizons, showed me that I am good at sight singing, widened my taste in choral music (mainly in Eric Whitacre), and has given us so many opportunities like singing in Westminster Abbey.

I wish that I could go on Friday to wish him a happy retirement, but I can't afford to. I think in a way it may be God's way of saying that I'm not ready to go back yet. I have been starting to make my peace with some of the city, and some of its inhabitants. I have decided to let them win. It isn't a defeatist way of thinking, it is more that I can't be doing with it. I believe in karma, and it'll come soon enough, I'm sure. I think I have to get to the stage where I don't care if everyone hates me, that I am who I am, and if you don't like it you know where to shove it. Then I can visit the whole music department.

Maybe I should give them this face next time I see them. I'll let you know how that pans out. x
P.S check out her videos btw- fricking hilarious!

Mother's day *groan*

It is officially Mother's day today. Not the most enjoyable days of the year for me, for obvious reasons. Weirdly enough, this year I found it harder; maybe because this will be the first year that I will be home for it. I have found that I haven't asked for help though, because I don't want to ruin other people's Mother's day by hanging out with me, when they have a Mother with them. Hopefully I won't have people come up and talk about my mum tomorrow, because I just don't like it. I have got to the end of my tether about the whole thing. I cannot try and please everyone else, whilst people don't think that they could be hurting my feelings, and/or angering me.
I have also been watching Whitney Houston's last interview: the one with Oprah in 2009, and one thing that really spoke out to me was her unwavering faith in God. There was one point in the interview, when she was talking about leaving Bobby Brown. She asked for the strength to leave him. It made me think of men. Firstly, it made me think of the man I like. Maybe instead of asking God what I shall do, even though I know the answer is to tell him how I feel (and not feeling like I have the courage or the strength to), I should really be asking God to give me strength to tell him. It also made me think of my last relationship I had. I can see now, (and I could see then too, if I'm being honest) that it wasn't a good relationship. It wasn't a relationship of equals. He didn't see me as his equal, and the balance of give and take was more me giving, him taking. I knew this fact, but I stayed with him, because I was just so happy to be in a relationship, and happy to not be alone. I know now that if something is not right, they need to go. I can't stay in a bad relationship, because it would stop me from finding a good relationship, with someone I deserve. It is just finding someone that you fit like a missing puzzle piece. You could meet the nicest man in the world, but if they don't fit, they don't fit.
I like to use this song to help me think about how I want my next relationship to be. Not that the man thinks I'm perfect, but that he can accept my faults, handle my baggage, and still think the world of me (and visa versa obviously). I also want my next relationship to be a bit like this, because I think I deserve to be loved, to have a man make the same effort for me as I would for him. I deserve it.
Whether that is another brick down from the wall, who knows? I just like the song :P x

Getting the balance right

I have not long got back home from the Pops concert (as well as wind band and big band). Harder than the sci-fi music, but still fun to play some popular music scores once in a while between all the classical music.

I am really feeling it after three nights in a row of playing/singing, and will definitely be looking forward to an early night on Saturday, but I have to get used to it for my profession, as I either want to be in an orchestra, or in the pits when I leave university. Musicians generally have evening work, so it's a good routine to get into for the future. 

The transcripts have also got to the uni today, so that is another step in the right direction for university (hopefully) in September. I think that if I work well, then I hopefully will be able to get near the front desks for the orchestras next year (there are going to be five!!). I think also in September, I can feel more a part of the orchestra's as well. It is nothing against the students, they are lovely, and very welcoming, but because I feel like I'm intruding on them all, I find I become quite shy. To say this isn't in my character is an understatement! I think because I'm not a student at the uni at the moment, I feel like I don't deserve the opportunity of being in their orchestra's. I think also that because of my bad experience with a few bitchy, nasty people at Canterbury, it has made me withdraw slightly from people at Chi. Hopefully they don't perceive me as an arrogant arse! I think also I feel that because people already have their friendship groups, I don't want to get in the way of that, and I don't want to seem like the one desperate for friends. It does make me come across as standoffish, but it's just getting that balance right. Yes, I can have a good giggle, and I do love a good chinwag, but in the same token, I am there to rehearse/work, and not there 'for the experience'. I did that three years ago, and it got me nowhere. I know now that I gotta get my head down and work hard, and I can let off some steam, occasionally though, rather than every Friday night :P

Left to Right:
Me, Jaymie, Megan and Phil

Bring on symphony, and a lie in please! x

P.S I know it's technically the next day, but Happy Birthday to my Brummy lovely Jaymie!