Normally when I like a guy, I make a really big effort for them, to show them that I am the one they want to go out with. My new self respect kinda goes against that. He should realise that already, and should feel lucky that a girl like me likes him. He needs to show that he likes me by making a big effort. If a guy truly likes you, he will go out of his way to be with you, he would make the effort to go out on dates, etc. I am really trying with this, but I have got such a urge to message him right now, it's all I can think about.
Jaymie normally snaps me out of it, but I can't get hold of her. I know it sounds very stupid, but it is a bit like a battle of wills to see who will win, except I'm fighting my old self. I have to wait it out and stay strong.
I keep making excuses for this guy, 'oh, he's really shy' 'I have to prove I'm a woman, not a girl', the list goes on and on. He is not shy around me in any way, and if he doesn't consider me a woman rather than a girl, then hell, isn't that a big sign?!? My old insecurities are creeping in, the ones saying I'm not good enough, but this time I'm trying to fight them. This time I think I will make some progress. I am getting there, it's just going to take a bit longer than I thought.
Here's to being human x
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