An Interesting Christmas...

Well, what an interesting Christmas in the Palmer household!
Christmas day was lovely- calm and peaceful. Starting off with church at 10am,  (I didn't make it to midnight mass due to me being a wuss) then epic lunch at the woodpecker with my Uncle and grandad (I prepared for this occasion, waay too excited for food this year!) to then get back round to ours for present opening.
We then had a new addition to our tradition this year, in the evening we went round to Grampy's house to see dad's side of the family. I was rather sceptical about seeing both sides of the family in one day, but surprisingly it was fine.
Boxing day however...
Dad was complaining of chest pains when he was driving me to work, called the ambulance when he got back home. Virtually straight after I went on shift I got sent home to be with my family. Went straight to the hospital to wait for dad in the ambulance, to then be in there for multiple hours.
I honestly thought in the beginning I was going to lose my dad.
After a couple of hours I realised he would of been rushed into theatre or put in a special unit if he was considered serious.
He came home this morning at 1:20 by a good church friend of ours, with what seems to be a cracked/fractured rib or two, and apparently some serious indigestion.
The doctor did notice some irregularity in his heart, so he is going in for a test, but I think what I am most annoyed about is their communication, or lack of it.
When I got to the hospital they had no idea where he was. A consultant came over when dad got in to majors unit, said that dad had a clot in his lung with no explanation at all, to then after some time get taken to MAU. The nurses then didn't tell us any information, we didn't find out about the planned 9:30 blood test for ages, and when I explained our family situation to a nurse, they said if he can go home tonight they'll put him in a taxi.
 I rung up the doctor to ask what was going on (the time they said they would know the results had very much been and gone) to then be told he was going to be sent home, giving one of three reasons for the chest pain (so they didn't know for sure what was going on inside my dad's body.)
I am sure that these doctors and nurses know what they are doing, but I felt that we were left. I was worried sick about my dad the whole time, (ditto dad) and that didn't get brought into account (with the exception of a very kind paramedic, who explained their procedure to me and not to worry about why he was taking so long to get to hospital.)
All it would of taken was a nurse to come over a short time after dad got into MAU to explain what would be going on and why.
I am so grateful that dad is home, that we got so much support from our friends and family, and that they hopefully have worked out the problem, but I just wanted dad and I to be treated like worried humans who needed an explanation, and dad to be treated a bit less than a waste of a hospital bed.
I know there are so many amazing, kind, caring nurses and doctors, some I know personally. I feel that these minority who don't care, let down the others. These people do amazing work every single working day of their lives. When my nan was in ITU, I was ringing up to see what was going on, and when I rushed to get there when nan died, the doctors and nurses were so kind. You could really tell that these nurses truly cared for their patients, and I'm sure the doctors did too.
I hope that if I have to be in hospital again (for whatever reason) that the nurses and doctors would just explain what is going on, like the amazing doctors and nurses did for me in ITU with my nan.
All I will focus on now is getting dad better, and to sort out the house for our party on the 30th. I hope that everyone who reads this post has had a wonderful, healthy Christmas, and will have a happy, if slightly drunken new year. x

One step at a time

As you know from my earlier blog posts, I had been finding it really difficult to get back to the gym. 

Thanks to some help from my friends Danny and Abi, I am back on track to where I want to be.

I had my weigh in today- I was pretty nervous, I hadn't had a proper weigh and measure for a while, so it felt like my first one all over again. I had nothing to worry about, I've lost 8lbs and 5 1/4 inches! That is such a big step forward for me, having the feeling that I really am getting somewhere. I have some serious determination, and my fighting spirit back, and it's seeping into other areas of my life- I had work after the gym today, and I am really enjoying it. 

Hopefully this weight coming off will help with my issues of self worth. If I am being honest I don't really think much of myself, I worry so much about what people think of me, I get paranoid, and when I look in the mirror most days, I feel ugly, and disgusted by what I see. I know that I have to focus on the good things about me, but it's hard. When you are at that low point, you can't see the good in you, and you can't believe what others say to you either. If I heard one of my friends say this to me, I would show them this picture. Maybe I should listen to myself more often. 

Before I open another tin of worms, I should stop. So on that rather random note, I wish you all a very good week. x

Getting Back to Normal

It's been very mixed couple of days this week.

I have felt very proud of myself that I have got myself back in the gym- I have got back up to my 3x a week regime and I feel so much happier about myself. I am trying very hard to eat healthily again as well. It isn't a 'diet', because a diet implies it's temporary. It's not. I hate it when people say it is as well. I hate it when people judge me by what I eat as well. Focus on what is going in YOUR mouth, not mine!! 

Yesterday was a bit of a down day for me- my bus was half hour late, therefore making me late for work. Considering I have to prove myself to have a chance of staying on as permanent staff, it doesn't help. I also had a really pervy customer, and it made me feel really awkward and cheap. Lush crew helped me a lot, and I really owe them, they were so kind and caring :) (and Dan getting me some hot twins defo cheered me up! :P)

I do feel that I am starting to prove myself at work now though, and if anything, I am finding that Lush is the best sort of therapy :)

Having the early morning shifts during the week is also really good to help me get up early in the morning, and really appreciate when I have a lie in. I think having a structure is really good for me, and I think having a job helps me as well. Lets hope I can keep the job! If not, then I hope I would of made some awesome friends on the way :) x