Talking about my life. May include traces of:
Confidence, self worth, and self esteem
Anxiety
Forces gf life
Travel
Music
Anything I fancy writing about
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Feeling a bit sentimental!
For a little while, I have known that a certain lecturer from Canterbury Christ Church is retiring. He doesn't know that so many of the alumni are coming back to show support. However much I fought with him in third year, (and I can see now, he was right, most of the time) he was my reason for going to Canterbury, and also motivated me to not give up on music, when I was on the point of giving up on my music A levels. I remember freshers week, when most people went out for a coffee, I wanted to practice, so hid behind the screens. He poked his head round to listen, and asked me why I was hiding. I can't remember what else he said, but I do remember that it was then when I felt accepted, motivated, and so much more confident. Being in the Cantata choir broadened my choral horizons, showed me that I am good at sight singing, widened my taste in choral music (mainly in Eric Whitacre), and has given us so many opportunities like singing in Westminster Abbey.
I wish that I could go on Friday to wish him a happy retirement, but I can't afford to. I think in a way it may be God's way of saying that I'm not ready to go back yet. I have been starting to make my peace with some of the city, and some of its inhabitants. I have decided to let them win. It isn't a defeatist way of thinking, it is more that I can't be doing with it. I believe in karma, and it'll come soon enough, I'm sure. I think I have to get to the stage where I don't care if everyone hates me, that I am who I am, and if you don't like it you know where to shove it. Then I can visit the whole music department.
Maybe I should give them this face next time I see them. I'll let you know how that pans out. x
P.S check out her videos btw- fricking hilarious!
Facing Old ghosts can be a really good way to move on. I had ghosts to face in Canterbury (The manipulative lying cheating ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend). I was nervous at first but in the end it was fun, I spoke to the ex's mum and current girlfriend. I made the effort and I was pleasant to them. I didn't speak to the ex because his mother said that he wanted to say hi, I thought hmmm lets see how much. The pub was a good time to catch up with everyone but there was a lot of talk about the ex because I would be introduced as the ex of.... and people I didnt know would say that I am nice. When I decided to go to the leaving thing, I decided to go and; Look my best, do my best, act my best (no lashing out, doing the unexpected like being polite to the girlfriend and exchanging pleasantries with the ex's mother) and try not to worry about what others thought. When I got home on saturday I thought to myself ~YES~ I had felt that I had won something. One day you will venture back to canterbury and you will leave it and you will have that feeling of conquering something of winning. P.S I love that video!! How did you come across it? I shall be using that one!! xx
Facing Old ghosts can be a really good way to move on. I had ghosts to face in Canterbury (The manipulative lying cheating ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend). I was nervous at first but in the end it was fun, I spoke to the ex's mum and current girlfriend. I made the effort and I was pleasant to them. I didn't speak to the ex because his mother said that he wanted to say hi, I thought hmmm lets see how much. The pub was a good time to catch up with everyone but there was a lot of talk about the ex because I would be introduced as the ex of.... and people I didnt know would say that I am nice. When I decided to go to the leaving thing, I decided to go and; Look my best, do my best, act my best (no lashing out, doing the unexpected like being polite to the girlfriend and exchanging pleasantries with the ex's mother) and try not to worry about what others thought. When I got home on saturday I thought to myself ~YES~ I had felt that I had won something.
ReplyDeleteOne day you will venture back to canterbury and you will leave it and you will have that feeling of conquering something of winning.
P.S I love that video!! How did you come across it? I shall be using that one!! xx