Opening Up

I have been having a busy couple of weeks, hence my sparse blogging. It has been a mix of looking after my brother, training for my new job at the Post Office, and Chi Uni Symphony Orchestra rehearsals.
For me I really enjoy being busy, and having something to do. Being out of a job since January was getting hard, but I find I work best with a schedule, with me organising things around my life.
Last weekend I found incredibly tough. Dad was away for the weekend in Walsingham, and I was looking after Dan when I wasn't in rehearsals. I am so grateful for the people who looked after Dan whilst I was rehearsing. Weirdly it was harder this year. I think that I do still miss my Mum, and ever since she died, I do cut myself off from people, bottling things up. I don't like people to see me cry, and I don't like people to constantly bring up my mum. It's not the happiest topic of conversation for me.
This kinda makes life difficult when I need someone. I find it so hard to ask for help that I normally don't, and it makes things worse. I have been making progress in the past couple of months, being able to talk to friends on the phone who live far away from me, but I still have found it hard to open up to someone I see all the time, whether it's on the phone or in person.
That weekend I opened up to two people, admitting that I was finding everything so difficult. They didn't run away, they didn't say they couldn't handle it. They just let me rant, let me get upset, and gave me the best hugs. I think that weekend has helped me realise that I need to trust people. Not just to share secrets, but to let them in when I'm finding life difficult, trusting them not to turn me away, or give up on me. Like so many things, it won't happen overnight, but this weekend was a step in the right direction :)
Hopefully they realise how much they mean to me, for them to see that. In a weird way, it's a compliment!
On that slightly strange bombshell, I will leave you all to have a great weekend, wherever you are!x